September 7, 2010 edit: gaya ng maraming tao (okay, ako lang) na walang maisulat dahil nababagot na sa buhay single at nagfefeeling na writer, tagapagligtas ko ang repost. Tutal konti lang ren naman ang nakabasa ng post na ito at nirepost kong una nung nasa Livejournal pa ko, papaexpose ako ng konte. Baguhan palang ako sa pagsulat nung sinulat ko to, taong 2007. Hindi pa ko masyadong maarte at mabusisi dahil kitang kita naman na hindi pa ko nagcacapitalize ng unang letra sa sentences. Pero ito paren ang isa sa mga pinakamahalaga saken na nasulat ko mula nung natuto akong magtae sa internetz. O sya, enjoy. Or not. :p

Ang Alamat ng Manong-na-nakasabit-sa-kable-ng-kuryente-8657ft.-above-sea-level

(in short, ang alamat ng antenna)

Paalala: hinihiling ko lang na sa tuwing nandito ka sa pahinang ito at binabasa mo ang nasabing alamat ay isipin mong ikaw si manong na nakasabit-sa-kable-ng-kuryente-8657ft.-above-sea-level.

Gaya ng maraming tao na hindi malaman kung bakit napunta sa kagimbal gimbal na sitwasyon, nariyan ka, nakasabit, sa mataas na lugar. buhay mo ang nakasalalay sa bawat daliring nakakapit pa sa kable ng kuryente.

SABIHIN MO SAKIN, MAY DAHILAN KA PA BA PARA MAGPASALAMAT?

kanino ba tayo karaniwang nagsasabi ng salamat?

at para sumagot sa sarili kong tanong: sa tao, sa hayop, sa pangyayari, sa lugar, at sa diyos.. masyadong mababaw.

sa’n ka ba karaniwang nagpapasalamat sa Diyos? sa simbahan? sa bahay? sa fx? sa jeep? sa kalye? saan ba dapat?..

ayoko sa mga bata.

ayoko sa mga batang makalat.

ayoko sa mga batang makalat at maingay.

ayoko sa mga batang makalat at maingay lalo na pag nasa pampublikong sasakyan.

nung isang araw, sumakay ako ng jeep. ayos lang, normal. di ako kumakapit sa kapitan ng pasahero sa malalim na kadahilanan: baka may nagtinga tas pinahid niya don. pauso yan sa ng mga kaibigan ko. sa tuwing may makakahawak o didikit sa “kapitan” ng mga pasahero, biglang pahid sa katabi, o kanino, basta kakilala, para lang tumawa pagkatapos. at makalipas ng ilang minuto, kakain ng siopao na para bang nakalimutan nilang humawak sila sa “kapitan” na pinaghihinalaan nilang napahiran ng tinga. haha.

eniweys, balik sa karanasan ko sa jeep. ayun nga, normal. napansin ko na sa tapat ng upuan ko, may nakaupong magnananay. isang nanay, isang batang babae, at isang batang lalake/i (pasensya na, di ko talaga alam hanggang ngayon kung anong tamang spelling ng lalaki/lalake.). ayus lang. normal. kahit ayoko sa bata, may dalawang nasa harap ko. hindi naman ako adik para magalit at may bata sa harap ko. ayus lang, di naman sila maingay.

napansin ko lang, parang anlungkot nung isa sa kanila, ung batang lalake. hindi ko alam kung inagawan siya ng kendi ng kapatid niya, o nanlalalaki ang asawa niya. pero malungkot talaga siya. ayun, pinabayaan ko nalang. di naman nila ako binubulabog.

makalipas ang ilang minuto, gumawa siya ng marahas na krimen. SUMUKA SIYA. katapat ko siya. SUMUKA SIYA. ok.. laking pasalamat ko nalang na kahit katapat ko siya, di niya ako nasabuyan ng lunch nya kanina. pero meron pa! ang mga sinuka nya na napunta sa damit nya, pinipitik pitik nya papunta sakin. hmm. waw. naglunch na ako. di ko kailangan nyan. at may ngipin ako, di ko kailangan ng nginuyang pagkain para sa hapunan. thanks nalang.

at sa mga panahong to narealise ko na kinakailangan din natin magdasal sa pampublikong sasakyan. para humingi ng pasensya.

SABIHIN MO SAKIN, MAY DAHILAN KA PA BA PARA MAGDASAL?

pinapaalala ko lang, ikaw ang Manong-na-nakasabit-sa-kable-ng-kuryente-8657ft.-above-sea-level. so malamang alam mo na sagot diyan. *suhol*

nakakatawa ang bakasyon. last year kase hindi ko masyadong naramdaman ang bakasyon. at malaking utang na loob ko to sa german kong guro. pft. eniweis, nung pasukan pa, excited ako sa bakasyon. bat nga naman hindi? nararamdaman kong naghihintay ang A B buttons ng gameboy, nararamdaman ko na ang puyat na mararanasan ko buong bakasyon!! waaaaaaaaaa!!

kwento ko lang, ganto ang tulog ko nung mga unang araw ng bakasyon. nung una, gising ako ng 10AM hanggang 12AM. ayus lang.. normal pa.. tas di nagtagal, naging 2PM hanggang 4AM ang buhay ko. tas di pa uli nagtagal, naging 5PM hanggang 10AM ang buhay ko. baligtad na. daig ko pa ang call center agent, nightshift. at nagpapasalamat naman akong balik na ako ngayon sa 10AM hanggang 12AM. wala. kwento lang.

SABIHIN MO SAKIN, MAY DAHILAN KA PA BA PARA MAGING MASAYA?

isang daliri ay katumbas ng buhay. alam mong kung babalakin mong ipahinga ang mga kamay mo, tuluyan ka nang mamamahinga. pero hindi lang yan ang kalbaryo, naramdaman mong may hangin.. malakas na hangin… paparating.. at tuluyang susubukin ang tibay ng kapit mo sa kable ng kuryente. kakayanin mo ba? makakalagpas ka ba sa isa ko pang kwento ng hindi bumibitaw sa kable?

ano ba ang dapat paniwalaan?

natatawa ako pag nakikita ko ang mga pulitiko sa tv. nakikita ko kase kung pano naging kakaiba ang eleksyon dito sa pinas. ang katotohanan para sa isang kampo ay kasinungalingan para sa isa. ang katotohanan ng iba ay kasinungalingan para sa iba pa.

naiinis ako sa mga taong ipinagkakadikdikan sa ibang tao na ang pinaniniwalan nila ang tama. kahit walang kumpirmasyon. na para sa kanila katotohanan. na ang maliliit na bagay na maaaring naging dahilan para gawin ng isang tao ang gagawin niya. na baka ganito ang nangyari. na baka totoo.. maririnig mo rin sa tono ng pananalita nila na siguradong sigurado sila sa sinasabi nila. na kung babalikan natin, lahat ay nagsimula sa haka haka lang.

kanina lang nagbabasa ako ng stainless longganisa ni bob ong. nabasa ko ang kwento tungkol sa mga teachers. bakit nga ba nung bata tayo, elementary, madali tayong naniniwala sa mga teacher natin?

dahil hindi pa tayo marunong mag duda?

naalala ko nung highschool. may isang teacher na talagang hinagaan ko ang pagtuturo. nakakatuwa, kahit anong ituro niya sa klase namin, masaya. ewan. english and lit ang tinuturo niya, at dahil lit, nagiging topic rin sa klase ang history ng iba’t ibang bansa na pinanggalingan ng mga tula o kung ano mang dapat basahin namin na storya.

wala (ata) kaming textbook.

hindi ako nagpunta ng library para mag research, kalahati ng dahil ay dahil tamad ako.

hindi ako nakarating ng india, japan at africa, pero lahat ng itinuro ng teacher ko tungkol sa kasaysayan ng mga bansang nabanggit ay pinaniwalaan ko. pinaniwalaan kong totoo.

kelan ba tayo nagsisimula magduda kung tama ang tinuturo ng isang guro?

pagtapak sa kolehiyo? (wala, marami rin kase akong naririnig na estudyanteng nagsasabing: “di naman nyan alam ang itinuturo nya.”)

habang tumatanda ang tao, totoo bang nagiging mayabang na siya?

dapat na bang ipagmalaki ang kakaunting karanasan, kapirasong tagumpay, at iilang pagkakataon na sinabihan tayong tama ang pinaniniwalaan natin? sapat na ba lahat ng yan para kontrahin ang mga propesyonal na ang trabaho ay maging tama, gaya ng mga guro?

ano ba ang dapat paniwalaan?

yung totoo?

alin ba ang totoo?

yung pinaniniwalaan mo?

yung pinaniniwalaan ng iba?

yung pinaniniwalaan ng nakararami?

yung pinaniniwalaan ng pinaniniwalaan mong mas maraming alam kesa sayo?

o yung nakikita mo?

sabihin mo sa akin, kung mawawalan ka ng paningin, mawawalan ka rin ba ng papaniwalaan?

may insekto ang kinain mo kanina, naniniwala ka ba sakin?

SABIHIN MO SAKIN, MAY DAHILAN KA PA BA PARA MABUHAY?

nasa bayan ka ng mahihirap

kapatid ka ng kriminal

anak ka ng uto uto

amo ka ng kutuhin

isang bitiw lang, matatapos ang lahat. mawawala.

SABIHIN MO SAKIN, KAKAPIT KA PA BA?

Epilogue:

dahil hindi ka bumitiw sa kinakapitan mong ka
ble, lumipas ang mahabang panahon at ikaw ay nabalutan ng semento. at di nagtagal, isa ka ng poste na kinakapitan ng kable ng kuryente. aba, malay natin, kung ang mga kable ng kuryenteng nakakapit sayo ay kinakapitan din pala ng ibang tao. na maaaring maging poste, kagaya mo.

Related posts:

1. Ang Tunay na Lalake
2. SI16 – Kaliwa’t kanan
3. Kalamayang Lamaya
4. Sulating Impormal Blg. 7 – Pakikinig
5. Flight with Dracula

I lied when I said I had plans that weekend when you asked me to hang out with you.

At first I wasn’t sure why, but when I tried thinking about it it was probably because you used the words ‘just like we used to’. You’ve always known me as someone who copes by running away from his problems. I mean, don’t take offense in it, I consider almost everyone from my past as ‘problems’.

I would be lying if I say I don’t miss you. I get it, you miss me too. Missed me too. I just figured that I had enough of everything that happened. I got tired of the drama, the uneasiness, the pretenses.

I was listening to the radio on my way to work when I heard this band that sounds like they were one of those local bands who try too hard to get noticed. And for the record, I still don’t get your taste in music. And I loved mocking you for that. How many people enjoy listening to tryhards who screech like they were being forced to urinate upside down? Yep. And you used to tell me I was weird.

We make fun of each other like hell but we get each other too much to even be slightly offended. We’ve used the harshest words, the most brutal reality slaps, and the coldest ‘and your point is?’ looks. The bond we had was not like what I had with our other friends, and I believe the same you think the same way too.

I didn’t have to put on a face when we were together. You didn’t have to pretend that you were that sweet, innocent, ray-of-sunshine when you were with me. And I liked that.

We were probably two of the most carefree people in the class. I was the one who didn’t study enough to ace tests but pass them anyways. Didn’t try hard enough to be academically recognized but stood out anyways. You were the one who pretends to study hard but talks over the phone for hours. The one who pretends to ask exam-related questions then ends up laughing about how stupid other people act.

But things became complicated.

We haven’t talked for almost a year now.

It’s funny how people can easily mistake what happened to us as ‘friends who just grew apart’ when I know that the reason was beyond what people think we cannot control. We could’ve done something about it. But I got tired. And you made decisions that scarred me.

I get how you were put in a difficult position. You had to choose. You didn’t want to, but you had to. The situation was too complicated to resolve by playing middleman. You had to choose. And I am sorry if I put you and everyone else in a very difficult position.

So you chose them. Things became messy.

I didn’t appreciate that. I don’t appreciate that. The secret meetings, inside jokes, and the exchanging of looks behind my back. Those still bother me.

You probably don’t know this yet but I shared most of myself with you than anyone else. You probably know me best. The sad thing is, I never really felt that you listened.

And I am still finding it hard to open myself up to somebody else because everytime I even get close to, I pre-evaluate what I am about to say to make sure that it would be worth listening to.

I’m sorry I had to leave without saying anything.

I live my life in division.

I’m done being the last resort.

I wish you well. And I am happy you finally got a job. You little slothful pig, you. :p

Related posts:

1. An open letter

I felt captivated. I felt like I was caught in that moment where everything started to feel unreal. When you feel like you’ve tried hard enough to see the beauty amidst the shadow coats you’d most likely feel like you’ve failed miserably at almost anything you’ve tried at the same time. And before you know it, you start convincing yourself that you’ve done your part. That it took too much will to even try. That trying was your part.

I won’t lie. I find it hard to try to appreciate the beauty that other people seem to see in this country when everytime I look around I imagine living in a place where everything is better. Where everything is easier. Where fairness is not uncommon.

I’ve gone tired of the stupidity that surrounds the overrated sense of patriotism. I’ve gone tired of hoping that sometime in the future a man or a woman would rise and be influential enough to inspire everyone to want to start thriving for change. I’ve gone tired of feeling hopeless when I see my fellowmen flaunt their idiocy to the world and feel that false sense of pride while doing it.

I looked away from the sky. I didn’t notice that someone was already sitting beside me, grinning like he just absorbed the sunshine and pasted it in his teeth. Somehow I felt like I wasn’t the only one who seems to find it hard to grasp the concept of the earth rotating while revolving around the sun. The best I could come up with is one of those amusement park rides where you only get to see stripes of neon lights.

Somehow I felt like I wasn’t the only one who found it hard to understand how the depressing tune the clouds dance to could get them somewhere after hours. Why we only give credit to things that get us somewhere.

I wished for a lot of things. I tried to initiate action. But I have never learned that trying never really satisfied me until now. And I will try to figure out how people from the other sides of the world can look at the same sky I was looking at and see the clouds dance a different tune.

And I will get myself to understand how these rotation and revolution work.

Related posts:

1. On Depression and Suicide

And I did ask her to lend me that. That was the time the awesomeness struck me that I needed someone to slap me to keep my sanity.

Of course I beat myself up for not knowing you earlier than the start of year 2008. I missed a lot, sure. But I was more than willing to do everything in my power to do research, spend days searching for something outside the mainstream in a country where cheap action movies sell, and fly thousands of miles if I had the money to.

I skipped studying for quizzes to see you. I cancelled most of my plans to be with you. I raided closet after closet to find even the slightest hint of your existence where I live. I skipped meals because I couldn’t bear leave you.

I was obsessing over you. I am obsessing over you.

Your face lurks in almost everything I keep online. You invaded my phone’s theme. My browser’s bookmarks. My [wet] dreams.

Pucha tama na nga. Ang gusto ko lang naman talagang sabihin eh

HAPPY 41st BOOOODEI EDWARD NORTON MALABS! HALABYOBERIMATSMWAHCHUPS!

Kapag matanda ka na at wala ka paring asawa, pupuntahan kita dyan pakasalan moko ukei? Hmmkeitnxbye!

Habodei labs. :D

Ninja! Booyah!

No related posts.

Sorry, I just read this ridiculous thread on the internet about some people bragging about not ‘needing’ to create a Facebook account. And it kind of annoyed me, I mean, I don’t believe the point of creating an account to ANY social networking site is to piss the creators off, which ended up being far richer than you would ever be.

Point is, at least for me, is to reconnect with people you already know. You’d have the benefit of revisiting how your old acquaintances looked like and compare them to how they look like today. You get to maybe converse with those classmates you had that intimidated you in  person. You get to catch up with your friends. Assuming that you have a job or have enough schoolworks that keep you busy to get to hang out with them often.

I am not pimping a site that is already uber popular everything you see on the internet has a ‘Like’ button. I am just saying that you don’t have to try to go the opposite direction of where most are headed just for the sake of it. We have enough pretentious people in this country. Don’t contribute.

Anyways, I was reminded of a friend that refuses to create a Facebook page. She insists on using the ever so lucky Friendster that completely vanished to irrelevance. If you are reading this, we need to talk. (I’m kidding).

All seriousness and annoyance aside, I do think some people should consider telling these clunkheads to type properly. Or at least go offline and spare us the headache. See below.

Note: I think the comments section’s fixed. At least for the moment. I am looking at you, Salbe. :p

Related posts:

1. The revenge of the Jejemon
2. You had it coming

Dahil nakakabangag ng magsimula ng conversation. Dahil nakakatae na ang potragis na pabalik balik na ala ala ng love story mo. Dahil sawa na ko sa kakaabang ng sahod day para mag feeling mayaman. Dahil puro bato lang ang nakukuha ko pag nangangapa ako. Dahil mahigit isang taon ng umaaligid sa kisame ko ang pagmumukha mo. Dahil nasabihan akong magsulat sa wikang Filipino ng mas madalas. Dahil mas masipag saken ang lola ko pagdating sa paghuhugas ng pinggan. Dahil nabasa na sa putik ang ego ko na pinulot mo para ihagis sa kumukulong mantika.

Pinsan ko si Juan Tamad. Pamangkin ko ang unang nagkwento ng Alamat ng Pinya. At hinugot sa aking tadyang ang nag imbento ng telepono.

Dahil naliligaw na ko kahit pagbalibaliktarin ko pa ang brief ko. Dahil mas matapang pa sa kape ang maskara ko. Dahil mas duwag pa sa dagang kanal ang apog ko. Dahil nag iinit na ang kili kili ko sa pagbisita mo sa panaginip ng lolo ko sa tuhod.

Ibahin mo ko. Ako ang tatanga tangang mas marami pang alam kesa sa teacher mo nung Grade Six.

Dahil wala kang maiintindihan dito. Dahil sira ang comments section ko. Sarado ang comments. Dahil mas masarap magtae kapag walang makaka react.

Taympers.

Saksak mo sa baga mo ang ala ala mo. Malula ka sana sa taas ng pride mo. Mabilaukan ka sana sa laki ng katangahan mo.

Dahil hindi ako galet. Tumataympers lang.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Related posts:

1. Frustration overload
2. Lutang
3. Smart Cares
4. Kalamayang Lamaya
5. Nude Girls Bar

At sa San Pedro yan!

Isang buong buwan akong hindi naka log in sa blog ko kaya para sa mga nagseryoso uber to the max na nagreply sa previous entry ko, pasensya na you. Hindi ako maka comment. Isang buwan repapips! ISANG BUWAN!

Joke lang. Mga three days lang. Nagmamalandi lang ako. PaS3nSya Na PhOwZ!

Anyways, bago ako magsimula magkwento eh nananawagan po ako sa mga minors na nagbabasa ngayon na magsilayas kayo sa blog na to now na. Dahil Rated R ang isusulat ko. Dahil Rated R den naman ang mga kaganapan nung weekend. Kaya pasensya na po, ang nakasanayan nyong mabait, wholesome, at maka-Diyos *insert kidlats here* na si Vajarl ay mag eexcuse me po muna with matching ubo.

Actually, nauna ng magkwento ang mga kampon ng kadiliman na itatago nalang natin sa pangalang Salbe at Kuhrach. Pero dahil atribida ako, magkukwento naren ako. Keber ba?

Ang balak lang talaga namen eh mag inuman nung Sabado. Dahil ang mga kasama ko ay nabinyagan at napahintulutan na ng panginoon ng mga alak na habambuhay silang magiging sunog atay. Actually, ako ren naman. Pero dahil hindi nila ako kayang lasingen, may karapatan akong magyabang. *insert mayabang na laugh here*

Wala naman akong kamalay malay na magiging mahalay ang aming paglalakbay. Oh buhay! Ako’y nagpapaduday! Ang totoo’y ako’y may kiliti sa putingkay! Ay! Pakagat sa anay!

Dumayo pa talaga kame sa Carmona para mag inuman. Probinsya na para sakin ang kahit na anong lampas ng Maynila at lampas dalawang oras ang byahe. Ang palatandaan ko ay, una, kapag marami na kong nakikitang coconut trees. At pangalawa, pag may mga manong na may suot na salakot at may bitbit na manok na pansabong.

None of the above ang Carmona, pero exempted sya dahil walang katao tao pagpunta namen. Yung tipong parang tinitirahan ng mga aswang sa mga Pinoy movies na mas mabantot pa sa kili kili ng bangkay.

Biro lang. Hindi naman nakakatakot sa Carmona. Maliban nalang nung naglalakad lakad kame at dumating kame sa part na paghihinalaan mong secret stash yun ng mga nasalvage at pwedeng maginghideout ni Bin Laden.

Beerhouse ang unang stop. At dahil wala namang interesanteng nangyare sa beerhouse maliban nalang sa mga babaeng required mag suot ng pekpek shorts, idederecho ko na ang kwento sa Nude Girls Bar na pinuntahan nameng sunod.

Kung sa Beerhouse, required ang pekpek shorts, sa Nude Girls bar, pekpek na mismo ang required. Oo, masoshock ka nalang dahil parang namalikmata ka lang ay wala na silang saplot at bubulaga sa iyo ang kanilang monster vajayjays. Mafefeel mong nananakmal sila, kaya mapapaatras ka pag tinatanggal na nila ang panties nila.

Or ako lang siguro.

Pero maraming lessons sa Nude Girls Bar. Gaya ng:

• Walang entrance fee sa Nude Girls Bar. Pero required kang mag beer. Hindi ko alam kung trick ito ng management para malinlang ka at magmukhang mas maganda ang dancers nila.

• Masarap parin ang chicharon kahit nahimay himay na ng kasama mo.

• Marami sa mga dancers ay mukhang preggers. Merong pang three months, merong parang kakabuntis palang, at meron ding akala mo eh lalabasan na sa stage.. ng sanggol.

• Walang gwapong lalakeng nagpupunta sa Nude Girls Bar. Wala. Wag ka na magduda, chineck ko isa isa.

• Dahil sa init ng katawan ang mga lalake don kanya kanya na ng labas ng malagkit sa katawan. Pawis, I mean.

• Ang VIP room ay para sa mga gusto mag all the way.

• Gusto ko ma try mag body shot. Pero hindi sa babae. Shet quiet behave lang bawal lumabas to ah! Haha.

• Mas mahal ang charge sa babaeng audience dahil pwede silang makapulot ng technique at dance moves next time na makipag sex sila.

• May mga babaeng kayang magpasok ng bote sa kanilang perlas ng silangan aka perkperks. Imaginin mo, bote ng San Mig Light, Red Horse, The Bar, Tanduay (yung lapad).. name it.

• Maraming babaeng nagsayaw ng hubo’t hubad sa harap ko pero lingon lingon paren ako sa pagbabakasakaling baka may gwapo around. Anong ibig sabihin nito? Oh noooes!

Marami pang nangyare pero ang haba na ng kwento ko na tipong naghahang na ang wordpress sa haba. Kaya kung gusto mo ng buong kwento, punta ka dito: Hindi na Virgin si Vajarl. May kwento pa dyan tungkol sa pag SOGO namen after. OO. FIRST TIME KO SA SOGO!

AT dahil isa akong malaking diva, wala na kong maisip na mas magandang paraan para tapusin ang post na ito kundi..

BOHAHAHAHAHA.

*evil laugh then fade*

Note: Sira ata ang comments section. Yun lang.

Related posts:

1. Lutang
2. SI16 – Kaliwa’t kanan
3. Mga natutunan ko sa Puerto Galera
4. Kalamayang Lamaya
5. Ang Tunay na Lalake

On a normal day, he would be snickering in the corner with his group of friends. Laughing about stuff other people would never get. He was one of those people who feels very comfortable with inside jokes. Nobody would ever find it unusual if they ever find him wearing a malicious grin.

He is generally a jolly person– on a normal day. But this day was nowhere close to being considered ‘normal’.

He never spoke a word unless he feels that he is required to. If it was the lack of energy to do anything at all or the lack of reason to try and pay attention to anything else, he was not sure.

About ten hours ago, he just confessed his love for that person he has been in love with for a couple of years now.

He never expected things to run smoothly. When a man falls in love with another man in a country where the minority is generally being oppressed, you can smell trouble before you even get to say the word ‘I’ in ‘I love you’.

“Hey, can I have a word with you?” he told him.

He never realized how much energy this one sentence would take from him. Just the thought of approaching him for the first time from the time he ‘confessed’ his love for his made him dizzy.

Of course he wanted to tell him that he loved him personally. And he could’ve done that, too. If he wasn’t too much of a coward, that is. But then again, he has never been good at expressing how he feels.

“I am speaking with Dana.” he replied without looking at him.

He chose his words carefully. He didn’t say ‘Wait, I am speaking with Dana.’ or ‘I’ll talk to you after I’m done with this.’ or anything like that. He made no commitment whatsoever. Of course.

‘But..’ he said.

He ignored him. He wished he had said things personally so that he would get the rejection as soon as he could. He wasn’t masochistic, but he kind of liked feeling something so gut-wrenching. He didn’t care if it was pain or whatever.

He understood the lack of interest. He understood the evasion. But he still felt stuck, like he had no power over anything at all. His choice was only to wait, hope. Hope that maybe after a few minutes, he will approach him even if he knew that he tried so hard to not even give him the slightest hint that he should anticipate anything.

He totally get where he was coming from. He knows how hard it could have been for anyone to have someone tell him that he is being loved by someone of the same sex. He gets the uneasiness. He gets the lack of understanding.

But him getting those is what made it more painful. He cannot put the blame on anyone or anything at all. Aside from himself.

‘You okay? Feeling sick or anything?’ a friend asked him.

He gave a weak smile and never said anything. he hardly said anything that day. He wanted to open his mouth when he saw him looking at him but the little jerk to the side made him realize he’s not getting any more further than a presumed rejection.

On a normal day, he would’ve stayed at school for hours after class. But this was no where close to a normal day. So he went home leaving everyone feeling a little worried, arguing with himself on what he needs to do next.

Related posts:

1. I always fall for my best friend
2. An open letter

Wala naman akong problema dapat dahil on time ako magbayad ng bill kahit na di ko narereceive ang.. uhm.. bill. I mean, yung papel mismo na sinesend nila na parang sa Meralco na nakalagay kung magkano ang babayaran mo kahit na alam mo namang Php999.00 naman palagi ang lalabas don. Ang nakakairita lang, may lahing credit card company ata etong Smart at kung makasingil eh akala mo tinaguan ko na sila at sinulutan ng boyfriend.

Last month, nagbayad ako ng bill kahit na hindi pa namin na receive ang.. eto nanaman ako.. bill. Inisip ko nalang, keber nalang, baka nagka problema lang ng isang beses. After a few days ay nakareceive ako ng life threatening text message na nagsasabing:

Your Smart Bro Account *******223 is OVERDUE and service may soon be disconnected. Please pay P999 soonest at any authorized payment center to AVOID DICONNECTION. Please disregard if paid. Thank you.

Number one, PAKINSHETYU. Matapos mong mag type ng sangkatutak ng naka all caps na words babawi ka sa huli ng ‘Please disregard if paid’? Tantadu ba you?

Number two, isa ako sa mga taong hindi gusto ang feeling na may hindi natapos na business, lalo na pag pera ang usapan. Ayoko ng may utang, ayoko ng may hindi nabayaran, ayoko ng hinihingan ng pera kahit di pa dumadating ang sahod ko. Kaya nairita ako ng bonggang bongga nung nabasa ko ang message na to. Lalo na’t nagbayad na ko.

Number three, everyday ang text ng walanghiyang Smart saken. Daig pa ang mga fans ni Sandara ng Star Circle Quest nung kelangan sya iboto para manalo.

After a few days ule, may tumawag sa cellphone ko. Hindi nagregister ang number kaya nagdalawang isip ako sagutin. Pero dahil nagmamaganda lang naman ako, sinagot ko ren after ilang ring. Si ate sa Smart tumatawag para sabihan akong magbayad na. Aba lumelevel up ang walanghiya!

Ateng Smart: Hello, good morning, is this Mr. Jan Carlo Caduldulan (para sa di nakakaalam, ayan ang pangalan ko. Wala akong interes sa anonymity) ?

Vajarl: Yes po.

AS: Re-remind ko lang po kayo na overdue na po ang bill nyo sa Smart Bro.

V: Ah, eh kase po nagbayad na po ako two weeks ago pa. Hindi ko nga ala mkung bakit hanggang ngayon eh nagtetext paren kayo saken na overdue.

AS: Ah ganon po ba? San nyo po ba binayaran?

V: Dun po sa parang ATM sa SM Fairview. Ang problema kase non hindi ko nareceive yung bill, kaya dun ako nagbayad. Pwedeng pakicheck pala yung address na pinagsesendan nyo ng bill?

AS: Eto po ba: *sinabi ang address ko*

V: Tama naman.

AS: Hindi nyo po ba nareceive? Ang sabi po kase dito sa records namen, nareceive nyo na po.

V: Huh?

AS: Ang nagreceive po eh ang pangalan Marilyn.

V: Marilyn? Wala akong kilalang Marylin.

AS: Ganon po ba? Marilyn po nakalagay dito eh. Anak nyo raw po.

*katahimikan*

V: *napalunok ng laway*

V: Wala pa po akong anak.

Kinabukasan dumerecho ako sa Smart Wireless Center para i check ang lagay ng kaganapang nasa taas. Ang daming tao. Dalawang oras ako nag antay. Nung tinawag na number ko, pinaliwanag ko ang nangyari sa kuyang hindi nakikinig. Sakit sa bangs sa pwet.

Hanggang ngayon di pa sya ayos.

Oo nga pala, ni-follow din nila ako sa Twitter.

24 months ang kontrata ko sa Smart Bro. 2 years.

Marilyn, kung sino ka man, pakiforward nalang ng bill namen sa address ko. Halabyumwahchups. Wag ka mag alala, papadalan ka ng itay.

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